Motherhood has made me feel all the good things and all the hard things all at once.
Overwhelming gratitude, fulfillment, and promise.
Hesitation, insecurity, confusion, and guilt.
I feel paralyzed. I feel free.
I want every moment to last forever.
I need help right now.
Who am I? Does it matter? Why do I need something more?
These questions persist through each new season.
If I look anywhere else I will spiral.
I’ll feel the crisis. Quarter, mid, whenever change appears.
I need an answer. I need the emptiness to go away.
You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy. Psalm 16:11
Fullness of joy is found in his presence.
I won’t find it in my child, nor my husband, nor my hobby, nor my home.
But I’ll find it in his presence.
At my desk in the morning with my bible cracked open and a pen in my hand.
There it is. All the good and hard things make sense.
photo by Jessica Steddom